So I was upset about something stupid last night, I can’t even pin point what the hell I was so worked up about, but I got motivated to set my alarm for my desired hour of 5.30am. Part of my being upset lead me to remembering how I spent a lot of my time last year. I did a lot of crying, a lot of bundling my feelings up, and even more avoiding. I avoided conversations, confrontation, exercise, watching my meal sizes, basically I put it all into the ‘too hard’ basket and sat around wondering why I felt like crap. I kept telling myself that it would all be better when I lose weight and get healthy, but I wasn’t doing anything to help myself get there. It was like staring at the greener grass on the other side of the fence but doing nothing to climb over.
Last year feels like such a waste, I look back at it and wonder why I didn’t just do something. Why I didn’t just throw myself into exercise and let the action help me feel better.
Well this morning my trusty alarm went off at 5.30am just as I had planned. I promptly pressed snooze and closed my eyes again. My back up phone alarm went off at 5.35am and as I looked at it thinking of pressing the ’10min snooze’ option, I thought about all those days last year where I did just that. I snoozed on through until 6.30 or 7am, giving myself just enough time to shower, eat some breakfast, and leave for work. I didn’t do those things for me, I need to be clean and fed so that I can work for my employer. In the end I need this job to support myself and my daily routine last year had very little personal satisfaction, my goals and dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my work and the people I work with, but at the end of the day if I won the lotto I would give them 6 more months to train someone and then I would quit.
So what I am getting at is that I would get stressed and feel out of control all the time. It was happening on a daily basis, even more so at the end of the year. I felt down, trapped, and out of control. I’m only just now realising that’s what was going on. All I knew at the time was that I was stressed and hated going to work because it felt like that was all I was doing, and it was!
So by 5.40am I was up and dressed ready to head out into the morning for some exercise, just for me. If there is something you really want, you need to go for it, take action. It felt so good getting outside and moving around first thing in the day, I did some jogging, a couple of sprints and mostly walking. I didn’t have to rush to get ready for work because I planned out plenty of time. I showered, had breakfast, packed a lunch, caught up on my food journal for the weekend, and wrote down the things I need to do this week.
I remembered to bring everything I needed to work, and I feel more alert. I’ve brought some tea to work to help fight the sugar and coffee cravings I get when I start feeling tired too. I have packed a tasty salad for lunch as well as some snacks! It is feeling like a really good start to the week.