All the feelings

I’ve never known what it’s like to be slim. I’ve always been at least 20% heavier then my peers at any given age. I’m sure there was a time when I wasn’t overweight, I do have some pictures of my 6 year old self and I looked like other kids my age. But I’ve always had fat hands, my fingers like little sausages.

I wonder if that is some of the reason I find it so difficult to lose weight? I’m so use to being overweight that I sabotage myself at every turn, telling myself that I’m being mean if I deny myself the huge servings and take away that my mind tells me I’m craving.

I have thought about seeing a psychologist to help me figure out why I keep doing this to myself. Maybe they can explain it to me and I can fit it.

I read about other people that manage to lose their weight and how they did it. They say to eat better, exercise, surround yourself with fit people so that they inspire you to do the same. But in my experience these people are usually jerks to people in my situation. I want to surround myself with comrades, people in the same situation as me, fighting the same battles, feeling the same doubts.

I find books and movies inspiring. Reading about other people who were in the same position as me rising up and beating the odds to get super fit and healthy. Movies that have people training in new skills and kicking butt. They inspire me.



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